Benjamin highlights from March 2017!

3/1/17

3/2/17

3/4/17

3/4/17

3/5/17 - UK Arboretum

3/6/17

3/6/17

3/8/17 - On the porch with daddy and grandma

3/8/17

3/11/17 - Benji, Mama, and Great-Gran

3/11/17 - Benji and Great-Granddad

3/11/17

3/12/17

3/14/17

3/14/17

3/16/17

3/17/17

3/18/17

3/19/17

3/19/17

3/21/17

3/21/17

3/22/17

3/23/17

3/23/17

3/23/17

3/24/17

3/24/17 - first time photographed after standing up on his own

3/25/17

3/25/17

3/25/17

3/27/17

3/30/17

3/31/17

Benjamin update: he rolled for the first time on 10/3/16!

Here was his second roll, just one minute after the first!

Yep, I failed to get the first one on video...

#9: Yep, you worry about EVERYTHING when it comes to your baby's health

I've already documented the diaper rash issues.  But that's far from the only thing that Marie and I have panicked over when it comes to Baby Benjamin.  

Thankfully, the rash is gone!  It feels amazing to say that.  He's been totally rash-free for about a month now.

But we've had these things to worry about (which probably seem trivial in comparison to our worries during the pregnancy):

1) Blocked tear duct in his right eye - ongoing, virtually since birth.  According to the doctors, we won't need to worry TOO much about this unless it persists past 8 months.

2) Various rough patches (probably eczema) on his face and left arm.  Hopefully, this will clear up.

3) Fever when he got vaccinations at 2 and 4 month checkups (temporary, but alarming at the time). We gave him liquid tylenol and it returned him to normal within about 24 hours both times.

4) Poor Benji has this tendency to ALWAYS turn his head to the right when sleeping...and, as he's a little baby, he's supposed to always sleep on his back.  Well, that has resulted in both a bit of a flat AND lopsided back of his head.  We'll need to keep an eye on this condition (positional plagiocephaly) - hopefully he won't need to wear a helmet!

While you learn to cope better as time goes by, any new element thrown into the mix can really be jarring.  When you have a beautiful boy like ours, you want everything to be perfect for him.

#7: The sleep deprivation struggle is real.

Everyone jokes about the lack of sleep for new parents.  You've probably seen the meme below, only with a different picture.  I made my own using a funny cell snap of Benjamin, and since the meme generator offered the option of a "scumbag hat," I threw that on him for good measure.

But, jokes aside, it's a real problem.  Especially early on, when your child sleeps only a couple hours before screaming for another round of changing and feeding.  Every round is a battle of its own, and sometimes your baby will decide to be fussy all the way through until the next feeding time, rather than sleeping at all.  Yep, it's awesome!

And that's not all.  One or both parents have to:
- do the baby's laundry, while still keeping up with your own
- do the baby's dishes (bottles), while still keeping up with your own
- go shopping for baby items, while still keeping up with your own groceries and errands
- (mother only) pump and/or breastfeed, to either stockpile or provide milk

As the blog title says, I'm a stay-at-home dad.  I teach online biology classes for a local college, and do freelance photography.  We are blessed that I have that option - to at least earn income from home, rather than having to quit an office job or anything like that.  But even my current obligations are virtually impossible to manage when I'm home alone during the week.  

I basically get about 1-2 hours of productivity during the day while my wife is at work; the remainder of my time is spent tending to Benjamin.  As he grows and becomes more alert, I'm delighted to spend time talking to him and showing him books and toys.  Of course, the downside is that he wants more and more stimulation during the day, so I truly don't get any time for my vocations.  When she gets home (from the hospital operating room where she puts in an incredibly intense 8 hours every weekday), she tries to take care of him for a little while so I can get a bit more work done.  And on the weekend, I'm trying to slowly get back into photography.

The nighttime is the most taxing part.  Although he finally seems to be sleeping for longer stretches, the first couple months involved a guaranteed 2-3 "awakenings" during our attempts to rest.  

Every night, you have three choices:
1) Parent A tends to him for 1-2 consecutive feedings, staying outside the bedroom with the monitor, so Parent B can sleep without interruption, then crashes for a little while.
2) Same as option 1, but reversed.
3) Both parents try to sleep in the bedroom all night, so while neither has to stay up all night, neither one gets a solid stretch of sleep.

We often end up going back and forth.  Parent A is so dead that Parent B makes a sacrifice on Monday night...only to get so tired that Parent B is the one in need of rescue on Tuesday night.

Weekends are marginally better, because at least we don't have the ordeal of preparing him for transport twice a day.  I guess I forgot to mention that I take her to work - mostly because her only parking for the hospital is a long distance away, and the walk is through a bad part of town.  I simply can't, in good conscience, leave her to that dangerous trek each day.  We loathe putting Benjamin through the trips, but we don't have a choice.

In spite of all this, neither of us would EVER express regret to be going through this.  Life is very difficult with a newborn child, but if you're anything like us, your baby is so beautiful and important that you would do anything to make it all work.

Product recommendation: "HelloBaby" Video Monitor

You'd want to see this face at all times, too.  Even when you have to be in a separate room.

Everyone needs a baby monitor.  They're useful when you want to:

- sleep

- eat

- shower

- do chores

- anything else you can imagine...

...with a baby safely in his or her own room.

Like most parents, cost was a significant consideration for us.  But we still wanted something that would be reliable and have some useful features.

This product has fit our needs perfectly:

https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Baby-Temperature-Monitors-Hello/dp/B01FSOKDTU/

Here's what we like about it:

1) Costs only $86 (as of this post)

2) Video works absolutely great in light or darkness (switches automatically to night vision)

3) Video/audio only kick in when the camera/mic pick up a certain level of sound - which you can adjust

4) You can also adjust the volume you hear on your end.  So if you wish, you can have anything from no sound to deafening baby cries.

5) It tells you the temperature in the baby's room, and we've found it to be pretty accurate

6) Monitor battery charges fairly quickly, and can also be used while plugged in

7) You can connect up to 4 cameras total.  Extras are $40 each, and we haven't had a need for one.  It would be easy to unplug and move the one camera we have.  But if you're lazy, this is nice.

Benjamin as seen on the screen of our monitor.  He's resting comfortably in a sleep chair in his nursery.  The monitor is in night vision mode, with the volume on its lowest audible setting.  "VOX-Lo" means that the monitor won't be triggered to produce audio/visuals unless he makes a decent amount of noise.  This is the best setting when we both want rest, after having just set him down to sleep with a full belly and a freshly-changed diaper.

The only (minor) cons:

1) Camera must be plugged in, and its cord isn't the longest.

2) Its shape doesn't make it particularly easy to attach to anything, so you pretty much have to find a good flat surface that will still allow a clear view of your baby.

We've been able to work around those cons, and are very pleased.  Unless you have the budget to go all-out on a monitor, this is a fantastic option.

#4: Breastfeeding can be extraordinarily difficult.

My wife and I are both determined to give Baby Benjamin the best possible care, and that includes breastmilk during his early stages.  However, breastfeeding presents a ton of challenges for new mothers, especially those with preterm babies.

Benjamin may have only been 4 weeks early, but that has still caused extra difficulties due to his diminutive stature and lesser coordination - being a month behind on the developmental curve.

INITIAL STRUGGLES WITH FEEDING

Our first three days were spent in the hospital, and BY FAR the most stressful part of our time was feeding him.  It usually went like this:

1) Marie would try, to no avail, to get him to latch.  All the while, he'd be fussing out of frustration and hunger.  Even with a nipple shield, it was virtually impossible.  His mouth was simply too small.

2) We would resort to the alternative - formula (Similac Neosure 22 - more on that in a later post) administered via syringe.  The goal was actually to attach a narrow feeding tube to the end of the syringe, and put that in the side of the mouth while he was on a nipple.  Again, that usually proved too difficult.

3) A lactation specialist would stop by and try to help.  Most of them were truly wonderful - a couple of the floor nurses and a couple of the lactation specialists really stand out as heroes of Benjamin's first few days.  In the end, we typically resorted to having him suck on a finger while taking food through the small tube from the syringe.

INITIAL STRUGGLES WITH PUMPING

In the meantime, there was all the consternation over breast milk.  Just like the preterm baby itself, milk production sometimes isn't quite ready for the big leagues when the birth happens ahead of schedule.

Marie's first pumping, shortly after birth, went exceptionally well.  We got our hopes up, but the next couple days she was producing so little that we got worried.  If you're in a similar situation, be patient, stay positive, and keep trying.

A couple things that worked for Marie...

1) Manipulation of the breasts, especially when the milk truly came in "full force" on about Day 3.  Her breasts were so swollen and tender at that point.  It was truly excruciating.  Remember when I said we had some heroes of our hospital time?  One of the lactation specialists showed up randomly in the middle of the night, gave her advice and helped her overcome some of the pain.  Thankfully, it passed after 24-36 hours, during which time she used ice, warm water, and massage.

2) Having Benjamin on or near the breast, prior to or during the pumping session.  There is a huge psychological aspect to the whole thing.  Positivity is really key.  When she is stressed, at work or at home, her production is markedly lower.  If you can't have your baby nearby, at least look at pictures on your phone.  Talking to others who've been through it can really help your mindset.  Marie participated in a couple Facebook chats with a local chapter of La Leche League, and found it very informative.

3) This is easier to discuss than to execute, but some of the obvious things like rest, hydration and diet have a huge effect on production as well.  Keep tabs on your physiology and make the necessary adjustments.

SETTLING INTO A ROUTINE

All along, we've fed him approximately every 3 hours.  That's roughly when he starts chirping for it again.  As his demand for volume has increased, Marie has continued to prepare bottles with a 50/50 mixture of her own milk and the Similac formula.  In our first few days in the hospital, he was only getting 20-30 mL per feeding.  As of 2 months, he's getting about 100 mL total.  Although he started small, his weight has progressed nicely.

She tries to pump at least six times per day.  The goal was 7-8 during her six weeks off from work (post-birth), but now that she's back in the OR, she has to settle for two pumping sessions during the workday.  Plus, on average, 1 in the early morning, 1 right before work, and 2 between work and bedtime.  For a total of 6.

I do my best to help by feeding him while she pumps, or feeding him in the middle of the night so she can rest up for a better pumping in the early morning.  While I called it a "routine" in the subheader, every day is its own battle and things change quite a bit from the plan.

I'll update this post with more details, and also expand more on the topic in future posts.  Feel free to comment or even email us with questions!

Pic post #1: Benjamin's First Day

Here are a few cell shots I took from Benjamin's first day (5/17/16).  He was, and is, beautiful.

9:40 AM, shortly after birth, on the examination table

A few seconds later, still crying

9:47 AM.  Fittingly, Benjamin's first calm moment was in his beautiful (and utterly exhausted) mother's arms.  She would kill me for posting this, and I don't blame her.  But his face is so...peekful (as we've come to call it).  I can't help but want to show his face to the world.

11:51 AM, in Grandma Linda's arms

12:50 PM, resting, still in Labor and Delivery.  Our first "favorite" pic of Benjamin.

4:31 PM.  I think we had gotten a Mother/Baby room by this point.  This was probably when we started calling him "Bean" and this particular arrangement a "Bean Burrito."