I've always said I'm glad to be a man, because it would be so much harder to be a woman. Setting aside the sociopolitical aspects, and just talking about the physical issues. I knew it was difficult.
But because I've never been directly involved in a birth, I didn't understand what any part of labor or delivery was really like.
For starters, I didn't know how bad the administration of the epidural could be. For my wife, it was horrible and traumatizing because they made errors, and excuses for their errors, along the way. All I could do was hold her hand and encourage her.
I also had a misconception that actually pushing the baby out was far worse than the contractions. For my wife, it wasn't that way - the contractions were hell and lasted hours, while the pushing was difficult and lasted about 45 minutes. Meanwhile, everyone was so exhausted - especially Marie. She would literally fall asleep between excruciating contractions, and then wake up again in pain every couple minutes. Any attempts at napping during the night were foiled by constant nurse interruptions anyway. Her mother and I stayed with her the whole time to comfort her, but there wasn't anything tangible we could do.
Here's a foggy, non-specific timeline of the events...
My wife was admitted for the third and final time in her pregnancy on the afternoon of Monday, May 16th. The epidural was administered later that evening, and they began the actual induction that night as well.
At about 4 AM on the 17th, they broke her water to speed things along. All through the night, she was having painful contractions. She couldn't wait to press her button for more pain meds every 15 minutes. Marie told me she couldn't imagine going through it without the epidural - even if the injection was an ordeal.
Later that morning, her doctor arrived and suggested that we use a peanut ball to help the process. Her cervix was totally ready, but Benjamin wasn't moving yet. And a simple change in position made all the difference. Almost immediately, Marie felt like she was ready to give birth.
So she started pushing and little by little, the top of our little one's head started to show. My perception of the size of a baby changed back and forth dramatically throughout the morning. In my deliriously tired state, with only a small part of his head visible, I began to think we were about to have a baby with a head the size of a racquetball. Even with a premature baby, this was surprising to me. But I was wrong again, of course.
While Marie kept trying, I kept talking to her.
"You're doing great."
"I can see even more of his head now."
"You're almost there."
But what helped more than my words was when they brought her a mirror. Though I'm sure it's difficult to see your "undercarriage" in such disarray, it's very helpful to a woman to be able to actually SEE the progress. Once she had that extra bit of proof that things were really happening, it seemed more possible.
All of a sudden, at 9:34 AM, he flopped out on the bed. There was no delay once his head got through - he was just OUT, in an almost gelatinous fashion.
My thoughts, in a rough semblance of chronological order over the span of 3 seconds:
"Oh my God he's MUCH bigger than I thought he was while she was pushing!" (he only weight 4 pounds 11.5 ounces)
"He looks pinkish blue, is that normal?" (he was fine)
"His cord is sort of wrapped around him, is he ok?" (he was fine)
"I guess he's ok, and he has all the right parts!" (thank God)
"Is this really happening?" (yes)
"She's clamping the cord and handing me scissors. I hope I don't mess this up." (I didn't)
"I can't believe how perfect he is." (he still is)
"I can't believe Marie just did all that for us." (I'm still grateful)
And the craziness doesn't end there. Because the mother has to be stitched up if she's torn (blood is everywhere), the screaming baby has to be examined and weighed, the mom might finally get to eat something for the first time in 24 hours, you move everyone and everything to another room, and before you know it you're already entering the routine of childcare on NO sleep.
See the next post for some pics during his first couple hours of life.
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